Where In The World Is Justyce 55?

Oh, come on!  Don't act like you never watched Carmen Sandiego.  She was BOSS!

Well once again I disappeared for a while, but I'm back!  I have not written in a very long time because i have been consumed by work, health, and home.  But I wanted to touch basis with my readers to let them know what the deal is.

First the good news...

It is confirmed that I CAN OVULATE!!!!!!!!  When the doctor told me this, you would have thought she told me I was pregnant.  She sent me for a series of blood tests to check my hormone and glucose levels.  I went on the 3rd, 21st, and 28th days of my cycle.  On the 21st day, I ovulated.  My doctor tells me that it is great news; however, I am not ovulating every month, which is the case for women with PCOS.  So unless I change my name to Ms. Cleo and develop a Ja-fake-an accent, I will not be able to predict which months I will ovulate and which months I won't.

But do not fret.  She did say this lets her know exactly where to go with this whole "infertility" thing. She prescribed Clomid (Clomiphene).  For those that do not know, this drug is used to induce ovulation for women who do not produce eggs regularly.  I take this on the 5th-9th days of my cycle, and hopefully by the 21st day I will ovulate again.  The question is, will my body naturally ovulate again on the 21st day, or will the Clomid force the ovulation on the 21st day?  Sometimes the drug can overstimulate the ovaries, and it can cause multiple eggs to be relased.  Multiple eggs means multiple births.  Twins can be conceived at a 10% rate.  And of course the rate is increased if somebody's husband (not naming any names) has twins on both paternal and maternal sides of his immediate family.

It's a scary thought...but if it happens, that means that all of the blessings that I have asked for, God is overflowing my cup.  So family members and friends get ready, because I'm dropping them off at your houses!!!!!






On another note, my glucose levels were fine (no diabetes!) and my prolactin levels are fine (get ready for boobie-feeding!).

So we are not totally out of the woods yet.  Still gotta keep on pushin' (for lack of a better phrase).  So if you prayed for me in the past...keep the party going.  So excited!  Thanks for reading.

ETJ

We Have to Pick a Name!

Greetings followers!  A good friend told me that writing is great therapy.  For those that know me, I used to write poetry all the time.  But lately, I have not had the drive.  But I had a dream last night that was all too real.  I dreamed of my future children.  I've had dreams before of being pregnant, and dreams of being a mother.  With this one, I woke up smiling...and yearned to go back to sleep so I could see them again (I actually had twins in the dream!)  So I am sharing this with you.  And be mindful that I am not a professional writer...but I play one on TV.



I laid my eyes upon your face
Angelic and perfect
Eyes that only view innocence
Eyes that hunger for knowledge
Eyes that are pure
I think I will name you Arien
And your skin is so soft
Dusted with cinnamon
Flavored with mocha
Sweetend with brown sugar
A beautiful recipe of the Creator
I think I will name you Mahogany
I dream about you
Hair so dark and curly
Cheeks that beg to be kissed
Hands that hold mine so tightly
As if to say, "I am yours"
I think I will name you Miracle
You are a fraction of us
We will always be a fraction of you
And together we are complete
I wish I could shield you
From all that steal your joy
I want to ingest your smile
Because your happiness nurtures me
I think I will name you Felice
And though I speak to you
From a place that you cannot hear
Just know that you are adored
Unconditionally
I think I will name you Love.

Thank you for reading fam!  ETJ

I'm Baaaaaack!!!!!

I know I've been missing for a minute, but I figured I should post SOMETHING before I am throttled by a good doctor friend.


Well, not preggers yet...but the fight rages on.  I did go through a deep depression for a while, which is why I have been MIA.  This episode was a tough one.  I isolated myself, I stopped communicating with the ones I love most, and fought every positive vibe just so I could stay in a slump.  THIS IS NOT THE WAY!!!!  After some deep prayer, some soul searching, and a long talk with hubby and friends...I bounced back...and as simple as this phrase may seem...I AM SMILING.  That is something that I have not been able to do for a very long time.  


I just want to thank my friends and family for all they have done to inspire me.  The friend who is sharing this journey with me and helping me to find others that have conquered the preggers war.  The friend who is giving me all the medical advice while still learning (one of the smartest chicks I know).  The friend who was dealing with a completely different medical issue, but still had difficulty conceiving, and almost gave up, and is now hugging her 4 month old angel.  The married friend with PCOS who understood me when I typed my last blog.  The friend that threatened to KILL me if I didn't get out of my slump (nothing like tough love, roomie!)  The friend that has always been there for a laugh when she talks about her students...my bestie.  The college friends that found their own way to spread empowerment and reminded me that I am still PERPHECT!  The friend who is going crazy with me, and has the drugs to prove it (lol).  My sisters, who I know will always be in my corner.  My readers...you do not know how much you have helped me.


And finally...my husband.  I know that he and I have really been on an emotional rollercoaster, but through it all, we found a way to get back to ourselves.  We took a step back in time to remember what we loved most about each other, and how we promised ourselves never to lose sight of that.  I know that he is not the enemy...and by not communicating with him...truly COMMUNICATING with him...I was losing pieces of him.  I got those pieces back, and I could not be more thankful.  (In my most high-pitched "hood-rat" voice) THAT'S MY BOO!


I love you all!  ETJ!


And check out this awesome blog!  http://www.perfectlyimperphect.com

Motivated...

Yesterday I babysat my two nephews, age 6 and age 4 months.  I took them to the playground for some fresh air and some good ol' fashioned vitamin D from the sun.  My husband came out to sit with us for a while.  As he sat there, I noticed a certain look in his eye as he watched me hold, talk to, and play with the baby.  It is a look with which I am all too familiar.  His eyes told the same story that they have said for years: I want you to have my baby.

The first time he told me this, I was truly flattered.  I don't believe any man has told me this before, and actually meant it.  But for me and many other women who have trouble conceiving, I can't help but feel like I have become a disappointment to him.  Of course he tells me that I am not, but I know that there is a piece of him that hurts every barren month without a pregnancy.  I sometimes felt responsible for not making my husband 100% happy.  In taking my vows, I promised to be his 100%.   How can a man love a woman who cannot bear his legacy?  




Honestly, knowing how he feels and accepting the possibility of probably never having children depressed me in ways that I would never think possible.   In the past I would focus too much on the negative aspects of PCOS...how it affects my lifestyle, my marriage, my appearance and my future.  And that negative focus would lead to episodes of depression...which would lead me to overeating and listlessness...which would lead me to more weight gain...which would lead me away from my goal.  What a hellish cycle!  I find strength in my faith, my marriage, and my determination to combat the symptoms of PCOS.  I also find the motivation from other woman who have the condition and are MOTHERS.

I am writing this today to help all others dealing with the depression symptom PCOS.  No matter what, always search for your silver lining.  Always search for your motivator.  That look in my husband's eyes is my motivation.  I WILL continue to eat right...I WILL continue to be active...I WILL continue to have faith in the Almighty...I WILL remember that even if i cannot bear a child, there is always a child out there that I can share my love...I WILL NOT GIVE UP!  ETJ!!!

Recipe of the day (ROD)

Thanks to my Weight Watchers cookbook for this one!  This meal is PCOS friendly...

Cilantro Lime Salmon

Ingredients:

One handful of cilantro, finely chopped

Three cloves of garlic, minced

Zest and juice of one lime

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

1/4 teaspoon Kosher salt

Four pieces of salmon fillet (5-ounces each)

1 1/2 tablespoon of fat-free mayonnaise

• Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Spray small baking sheet with nonstick spray
• Combine cilantro, lime juice garlic salt and black pepper in  small bowl.
• Place salmon on baking sheet.  Brush tops of fillets with mayo.
• Press cilantro mixture into mayo so that it adheres.
• Roast salmon just until opaque in center, about 13-14 minutes.

Per serving (1 salmon fillet) has approximately:

228 Calories

11g Total Fat

2g Saturated Fat

0g Trans Fat

90mg Cholesterol

264 mg Sodium

2g Total Carbohydrates

1g Total Sugar

0g Fiber

32g Protein

22mg Calcium

And for you points counters out there...6 points! 

I really liked this recipe.  It was simple, inexpensive, filling, and delicious.  I had it with some Caribbean sweet potatoes...another recipe I'll share later (delicious!).  As you probably know, salmon is full of omega-3, protein, and vitamin D (a full day's worth!).  All good stuff for any diet.  Hope you enjoy.  ETJ!

What the heck is PCOS? And Can it be cured with medicinal marajuana?

OK...of course I am joking about that second question.

Learning about this condition gets me in a tizzy sometimes, but the more I learn about it, the more comfortable I am talking about it, and the more determined I am to control it.

When I was about 13 years old, I noticed that my menstrual cycles did not occur every 28 days as I was taught in health class.  I thought I was a mutant; thought that maybe I was pre-selected not to have a monthly cycle.  I would go several months without seeing a cycle.  Embarrassed, I did not tell anyone about what was going on with me.  I just hid all the unused pads in the back of my closet.  My mother found my hoarded items one day and asked me if I was pregnant; I was not even sexually active at the time so I knew that wasn't the case.  When my mother took me to my physician, he told me that it happens a lot in my teenage years, but I should be fine when I become an adult.  Great advice doc...just chill for a few years and you will eventually be OK.

By the time I was 18, I was so used to NOT having regular periods that I was surprised when they did come about.  I averaged 2-3 periods a year.  And couple of months after my 18th birthday, I began to notice facial hair.  Talk about devastation!  I knew that woman in my family were somewhat "hairy"...but no one in my family had it as bad as I did (well except for my father...lol).

Then came college (pausing for a happy reflection of the great times in undergrad).  I learned how to keep the facial hair under control (somewhat)...still sporadic with the periods.  I noticed that while my other friends are not dealing with acne anymore, I still struggled with it.  And so began the excessive weight gain.  I blamed it all on the extra Doritos runs on the weekends...but I always wondered how I got a beer belly...and I don't drink beer.

On to adulthood...more hair...more weight...more acne...and less periods.  To handle the hair...tried everything except electrolysis (not brave enough for that yet).  To handle the weight...tried Atkins, Six-Week Body Makeover, Weight Watchers.  All were very effective...for a while...then I always fall off the wagon...and gain more weight than I lost.  To handle the acne...Proactiv, Noxzema, Neutrogena, Ambi...you name it, I'm sure I've tried it.  I mainly have to change products every so often so that my face would not "get used to" the product.  For the periods...I went to a new gynecologist,  and she asked me if I ever heard of polycystic ovary syndrome...

Finally, it has a name!  This familiar condition that I have just accepted as a part of life is actually something that I have to control.  But how?  Do I give a pep-talk to my nether regions?  She gave me a drug to induce my cycles, and then put me on birth control.  I was single at the time, so I was all for the birth control.  Then I found out that the birth control was affecting my blood pressure.  Did not want to be the one to take one prescription to counter act another prescription to counteract another prescription...so bye-bye birth control pills.  At the time, I was not knowledgeable of the affects of PCOS.  I just thought...OK, my periods are not as sporadic as it used to be, and I may not get pregnant for now.  No problem, I'll just try to exercise more, use more Proactiv, and buy more razors and dilatory creams.  Then, I met this guy...fall in love...and got married.  New game-plan...

Of course we weren't planning on have children right away.  We wanted to enjoy our marriage for a year before we have any children.  During the marriage...my cycles suddenly became regular...I mean every single month!  I thought to myself...yes!  I'm normal.  This must be what my old doctor was talking about.  But year after year passed, and no baby.  Even downloaded an ovulation app to my smartphone so that we could keep track.  We are now in year four of marriage...and still no baby.  Now I'm worried.  Time to really learn about this PCOS business.

Over 5 million women in the U.S.  have PCOS.  I started reading more about the condition and found that it affects so many health issues, including heart disease and insulin resistance.  Women with PCOS have high levels of androgens or male hormones...and that causes the hair growth.  It also can cause depression, which I have experienced on occasion.  There are other symptoms that it causes, but I've said too much already.  I will deal with the symptoms individually in later blogs as I learn to control them. 

My mission now is to get this thing under control before it takes me out.  First step is to loose this weight.  I have learned a few things about what I should be eating and how it affects my condition.  In future blogs I will post how (and if) I am achieving my weight loss goals.  I'll even post a few tasty recipes I've found.

I thank you for reading one of the most intimate issues of my life!  ETJ! (Enjoy The Journey)

ABC...Alphabet or American Broadcasting Company?

I'm sure that when little Justyce Jr. will learn her alphabet, she will probably realize that ABC can carry so many meanings...because mommie's life is made up of hundreds of letter combinations, many of which are so complex that you would have to be part of the Matrix in order to understand them.

At work, surely all of us use some sort of acronym that only your "gang" of employees know what the hell they mean.  I can tell my coworker that I looked an an MBR and a SSID today and when I discovered that the NH was denied based on the DLI and his PSY coding right now is N01, and I checked his SEQY for any LAG just to see if I could increase the DLI, but there was no proof of the earnings.  I could also tell my husband this, and he would give me the "please stop talking" glare.

I decided to go back to my natural hair last year.  I did my BC on 09/22/2010, and for a while I rocked a TWA.  Did you also know that I sometimes NoPoo when I wash?  Let me tell this to one of my Caucasian, Hispanic, or Asian friends, and they will also give me the "please stop talking" glare.

I have recently (well...somewhat recently) discovered that I have PCOS.  Great!  Another acronym that affects my life that will ultimately be my downfall if i don't take care of it.  I am now learing how DHEA-S and SHBG and FAI and that the ratio of LH to FSH  is greater than 1:1...WTF???

I have created this blog to inform those that are my familiars and those that are strangers to know what journeys I'm going through.  I will share info about my job...how my adventures in the world of public service keeps my sense of humor well fed.

I will share info about my hair...what I'm learning, how I'm maintaining hit, who I get my advice from (look for shoutouts to my youtube subscriptions!).

I will share info about dealing with PCOS...what I discover about the condition, what literature I am reading, what steps I am taking to control it (team "Get Preggers").

I will share my dreams, my aspirations, my opinions, and my irritations.  I may even share a poem or two.  Whichever you find will suit your needs most, I hope I have helped you in some way.  Be mindful that I am not a professor of ANYTHING...so don't say "Justyce told me to do such-n-such"...I am not an expert on anything.  Just treat this blog as a great conversation amongst friends.  ETJ (Enjoy The Journey)!!!